Well I finally told him, sort of, anyway he knows now. He finally knows how I feel, how I've felt for a long time. How the universe chooses to influence him is up to the universe. I don't necessarily want him right now. Who knows if I'll ever want to be with him again? I do love him, but love is a funny thing, and maybe I'm comfortable loving him but not having him, which sucks in itself and yet at this current point in time I'm okay with it. Either way he deserved to know, and if nothing else I owed it to him after what I put him through.
Though my consideration for others plays a role, ultimately I act of my own volition and my own heart, no one else's.
What can I say of life except that it is a myriad of halls, windows and doors; and, allegedly, the grass is always greener. We are always searching for things we don't have. Oh its not a bad thing. We search for knowledge when reading a book, watching a movie hearing a lecture; for love in dating, marriage, family, friendships, children; and for happiness in food, sleep, and hobbies.
We are a species that continues to grow from the day we are born until the day we die. Even after a person retires, they still read the paper, or watch television perhaps, in search of knowledge. Babies seek love and happiness in that person(s) they recognize and know best, their family. In all these ways the human race is always growing simultaneously with obvious physical growth.
Is it not amazing that we can do such things? A dog for instance is born, they learn to wimped and then bark, they learn to drink from their mother and then eat solid food, they learn to run and jump, and perhaps they may learn a few tricks along the way. Other than learned habits and scientific studies, what else is their for a dog to learn to achieve what is called a life? Nothing. To have a life a dog just lives and accompanies it's human consorts. A dandelion sprouts, grows to it's full height and then is either picked, or withers away. That is the achievement of a dandelion, plain and simple.
But a human can continue to change and grow until, LITERALLY, the day they die. Lying on their deathbed a human can be watching the news and learn all sorts of new things and thence pass away with brand new knowledge. 'Tis a sad thing but it happens.
I will learn by reading and watching movies/news, I will continue to love my dear family, and I will find my happiness in writing my own ideas down for probably no one else but myself to read. I'll continue to do all of this until I am incapable of doing then, and even then hopefully someone will help me to keep learning and loving.
Posted via LiveJournal app for iPad.